The Forced Reflections of Job Listings
On the better versions and lesser parts of ourselves
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Dear Bolu,
A while ago, I stumbled on a job listing that knocked me right out of my senses. It was not as bad a knockout as one that results from prime Mike Tyson's fists or even The Hulk's smash, but it had me disoriented for a bit. I could only but laugh at what I saw and the comedic realizations that followed.
I know that job listings tend to get some stick due to their adjudged "unrealistic" expectations but this wasn't one of those cases where the employer was searching for the impossible. In fact, the job listing was rather modest in its demands, I should say. After stating the desirable qualities expected of every god, devil, and mortal who intends to apply for the position, the job listing closed out with the requirement that the applicant should be, "hardworking and dedicated".
There is nothing inherently wrong with those requirements as that is, quite often, how job listings are wont to be. At first glance, it seemed innocuous but it made me wonder for a bit. Are there job listings that require applicants to be anything but hardworking and dedicated? Have you ever come across any listing that expected candidates to be lazy, indolent, and lackadaisical? Probably not. I have not seen one either and the reason is obvious—no employer wants such unenterprising qualities in their employees. But are there employees with said qualities? You bet there are! The reason is also obvious—we sell only the best versions of ourselves at interviews.
We tend to emphasize our best qualities—or at least what we suppose to be society's perception of the more desirable qualities—in social situations. Interviews, meetups, dates, and so forth. We give them our best shot and are conscious to paint pictures of how wonderful we are—awesome like The Miz, and great like Alexander. This is not bad in itself. It is how we get by in the world and possibly the only way to do so. It is what lands you a job and possibly gets you laid.
Sometimes, however, and perhaps more often than we are willing to accept, it requires us to lie. We are not hardworking, dedicated, or passionate. Okay, we may be those things but only 5% of the time. We may be those things in moments fleeting and tasks trifling, but not enough to be accurately described by such praiseworthy adjectives. We are more lazy than hardworking and more easily distracted than focused. But we must not be too honest because that won't get us through the door. We must emphasize the better versions of ourselves though they make up the lesser part of us.
If being brutally honest about our more embarrassing qualities and habits won't get us a job, then it must mean that we paint ourselves as magnificent whenever we submit a job application. It also means that there is really no point including "hardworking and dedicated" on a job listing. It is as pointless as a victory in a friendly football match because everyone who applies is going to paint themselves in even more brilliant light and melodic colors. Now, this was where I started laughing—what if we flip the script and list a job that requires candidates to be lazy and utterly lethargic?
Well?
Well, that is never going to happen, I know. But it is an experiment I am willing to try—if anything, for the fun of it. I'm curious about the scenes that would play out. Would you apply for such a job? Say you were actually going to get paid, would you apply? Would you show up late to the interview as ample evidence of your laze and lack of dedication? Would you sleep through your interaction with your employer as proof of your dispassion? Would people care enough to apply? Would they litter their resume with skills like "indolent", "lethargic", and "easily defeated"? It would be a chance for them to be honest with themselves but would they sell this version of themselves that society does not applaud? And more importantly, would they be proud to do so?
If as the interviewer, I substituted the question, "tell me about a time when you achieved the impossible" with "tell me about a time where you did absolutely nothing except lazy about when work needed to be done", would you have an answer? You probably would! I like to think that we all have those answers and they may come more naturally to us because those are habits we are used to. Scratch that. Perhaps they won't come as naturally as I have suggested because we may remember commonplace and unremarkable events less than we would remarkable things. Those times you put in a shift must have been remarkable, and you could possibly remember them more easily than the many other days you spent not doing much. Ah, but who knows?
Would candidates be thrilled to get paid for being lazy? I'm not sure what the answers to these questions are. Though uncomfortable, you can try answering them yourself. Ultimately, no one shows up to an interview and acknowledges they are lazy though some form of laziness is inherent in the lot of us. We all sell the better versions of ourselves.
So by all means, keep selling the best version of yourself to others, but at the very least, sell the complete version to yourself. Be honest about your traits, qualities, and habits including the unutterable ones. Work on them and make it difficult to honestly populate a resume to be submitted for a job listing that is looking to recruit lazy and indolent candidates. Also, keep an eye out for such job listings. Odds are that if anyone comes your way, it's part of my comical experiment.
Fin.
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Write you soon, merci !
- Wolemercy