Time Ticks, Time Tocks
Sometimes, we need time to stop
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Dear Bolu,
If he'd been told two years ago that the lady he'd only just met for five minutes in a cab would be his wife, he would have laughed it off as an impossible joke. He could not be ready for such commitment—not now, not ever. Yet here he was, full of life on a joyful morning, about to take his vows with another, and he wished for a moment, that time would stop.
We've all been there—not necessarily at the altar to have our vows taken or in a chance encounter with our future spouse in a quiet cab. We've all been in situations where we wished, nay, willed that time would stop. It is not that we don't have expectations or hopes for the future, but in such moments, it happens that the present is all and perhaps even more than we could ask for. It is charged with love, as in your first encounter with your newborn baby. It is filled with the jump-out-of-your-seat excitement that accompanies a clutch throw that wins your team a championship.
Just as we sometimes want time to take a breather and come quietly to a stop, there are times where we badly want it to hasten. Quick, quick. They could be nervous, anxious moments, say when we are waiting on the outcome of a surgery on a loved one. We could simply be waiting for some good news or miracle. They could also be embarrassing moments, say forgetting your lines in the middle of a play, recital, or other theatric performances.
So far, I've spoken of time as though it is some being personified with the speed and agility of a cheetah and the sluggish, almost motion-averse nature of a sloth. It is a strange coalescence of attributes, I know, but that is often what we expect of time—to be fast and slow when we need it to. Ah, mortals; wanting it all and wanting nothing at all. That said, I really want to refer to time as we intuitively construe it, not as a philosopher or a physicist. Cause and effect. Before and after. Since and never. Always and forever. Yesterday and tomorrow. Precede and succeed. You understand time intuitively as a procession of some sort. It was before us, it is with us, and it will be after us.
To slow down. To hasten. Are there moments between these two where we are very comfortable with time's pace? Probably. I like to think that there are such moments and they are usually peaceful ones. But time does not care at all what we think of it. No, no, it doesn't even listen to us when we make those silent petitions to whoever presides over it to get it to stop or hasten. And that's a good thing. Time listens to neither monsters nor men. Time waits for neither beautiful scenes nor hastens for gory sights. It takes heed to nothing. It gives precedence to no one—not good people, bad folks, or the undecided ones. Instead, it goes about on its own and at its own pace. It plods on relentlessly and we are continuously reminded of this by our birthdays and anniversaries, alarms and appointments, calendars and clocks, days and dates.
Perhaps because time is deeply entrenched in the very nature, definition, and scope of our lives, we expect of others and ourselves, time-ish properties. We expect to always move on. We expect to never stagnate. We expect to keep up the pace like time, regardless of what happens. We expect to be—or at least act—unaffected by things around us. These are not necessarily bad expectations. Of course, we must progress in life, and charge and advance like the Rohirrim. We must make progress and move. We must. But we must always remember that these things take time. In fact, everything takes time except time itself. We need to be careful not to ascribe to ourselves, time's indifference to everything else.
We can't, like time, always keep moving. When we lose something or someone precious, we may need some time to process the loss. When we hit setbacks, we may need some time to get back on our feet. When we fail, we may need some time to pick ourselves back up. In all these, time never stops though we might wish it did. We might wish that the convener of this world hits a pause button and we are allowed some time to come to terms with these situations while the world is on hold. But that never happens. Time ticks, time tocks, and we are expected to as well. But if we can't get time to stop or get ourselves moving instantly, what are we to do?
I think we can stop time for each other or at least create the illusion that time has stopped if only for a while. And that involves not hurrying people to move on from things they evidently need time to deal with. Of course, we should not encourage people to simply wallow and drown themselves in sorrow or pain. We should encourage them to deal with these situations but we should do so in a compassionate way. We should be kinder to them and more understanding of their plight. We should let them off a little. We should help them out more. We should be patient with them. We should give them time.
The same applies to situations where people are celebrating their successes and hoping the moment will last forever. We should not be in a hurry to make light of their triumphs and dismiss it as nothing worth raising a toast to. Though time won't stop for them, we can afford them the illusion that it does if only for a minute. We should stretch those moments a little longer. We should walk up to them and congratulate them. Hug and kiss them. Wish them well, and wish them the best. Of course, the celebration will end and they'd move on, but you would have made them enjoy it a while longer.
Time does not stop. It neither slows down nor speeds up. Although time is in the DNA of our lives, we are unlike it. We can and oftentimes need to stop, slow down, and take a breather. And if time won't stop for us, then perhaps we can stop time for ourselves and for each other. Perhaps we can give each other a bit more time to get over our struggles and relish our victories.
Fin.
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Write you soon, merci !
- Wolemercy